w to Get Along to Get Ahead in Your Career

Word Count: 1,583 Estimated Read Time: 6 Min.

Ever had someone with whom you just did not get along?  They might have been too loud and outspoken.  Or they were shy and non-communicative.  Perhaps they were overly confident to the point of arrogance.  Or maybe they were so submissive and passive that they were nearly invisible.  They might have been silly and vapid.  Or very serious and dry.  There are a multitude of reasons why two people might not get along.  In fact, it’s common for people not to gel.  What is unusual is when people instantly click.  That’s rare.  More often, that kind of bond takes time and effort to forge.  

In the broadest sense, getting along is outwardly focused.  J Boone said “The most effective way to achieve right relations with any living thing is to look for the best in that being and then help that best into the fullest expression.”  According to Boone, it rarely happens automatically.  And, when talking about interpersonal relationships, Tony Robbins said that “rapport is the ability to enter someone else’s world, make him feel that you understand him, and that you have a strong common bond.”  Clearly, that’s easier to say than do.  Neil Strauss described it more succinctly as an equation.  Trust + Comfort = Rapport.  Building trust and developing a level of comfort usually happens slowly through shared experiences.

As a result, most people will simply accept that there are people they just don’t like.  A neighbor.  A colleague in another department.  A nurse at the family medical center.   A family member’s spouse.  In some cases, they just avoid the person.  That’s easy enough to do if it is a curmudgeonly neighbor or a brash coworker in another department.  But sometimes there is no choice but to get along, especially with coworkers, colleagues and clients.  Why is that not just important but imperative?

How Relationships Drive Advancement

Professionally, it is crucial to get along with everyone and build strong bonds with many.   Interpersonal skills should not be honed and harnessed in isolation.  Their power lies in their collective ability to build and sustain strong professional relationships – with colleagues, managers, and potential mentors or sponsors. These relationships form an invisible but powerful network that significantly impacts career outcomes.  How so?

– Relationships with colleagues lead to better teamwork, knowledge sharing, and mutual support. Colleagues are more likely to collaborate effectively, cover for you when needed, and speak positively about you to others (including managers). A reputation as a good team player is essential.

– Relationships with managers is critical.  A strong, trust-based relationship with your direct manager is arguably the most critical. Managers who like, trust, and respect you are more likely to provide constructive feedback and coaching, give the benefit of the doubt, assign challenging, high-visibility projects and advocate for you to get raises and promotions.  If they understand your career goals, they can help you achieve them.  And, they are more likely to interpret your performance and contributions favorably during review cycles.

– Relationships with mentors and sponsors often develop organically through rapport and mutual respect. Mentors can provide guidance, while sponsors can actively use their influence to advocate for your advancement.  Strong interpersonal skills are essential to attract and maintain these valuable connections.  People are more willing to invest their time and political capital in someone they genuinely connect with and trust.  

– Relationships with clients, constituents and stakeholders is essential to career advancement in relationship-driven positions and industries.  For salespeople, investment bankers, consultants, politicians, and other fields where connections to decision-makers, board members and/or high net worth individuals matters, being able to develop a rapport and strengthen that with a deep, personal bond is the key to bonuses, promotions, raises and achievements.

That’s why ‘getting along’ is vital to most people’s career advancement and success. Even business owners have people with whom they must bond and nurture a relationship, such as investors, board members, clients and vendors.  But, what happens to those who lack these interpersonal skills?

Brilliant but Boorish: When High Performance Isn’t Enough

Even the most brilliant people in the highest positions need to find ways to ‘get along’ and build rapport.  Consider Elon Musk, who owns and leads multiple major companies including Tesla and SpaceX.  He is brilliant but not known for having the strongest interpersonal skills.  So what happens to those highly intelligent, incredibly productive individuals who deliver outstanding results but lack interpersonal finesse? They are often referred to as the “brilliant boors” or “toxic high performers.” Unless the person can monetize their brilliance to the point where they become independently wealthy, such as Musk, their trajectory will follow a predictable, frustrating downward spiral:

1. Initial Recognition.  Their technical skills and results initially get them noticed and perhaps even promoted early in their careers.
   
   
2. Growing Friction.  Over time, their inability to collaborate effectively, their abrasive communication style, lack of empathy, or tendency to create conflict begins to cause friction. Colleagues avoid working with them, team morale suffers, and managers spend excessive time mitigating the fallout from their interactions.
   
   
3. The “Likeability Ceiling”. They hit a point where their technical brilliance can no longer compensate for the relationship damage they cause. Managers become hesitant to promote them further, fearing the negative impact they would have on a larger team or more senior stakeholders. They are seen as “not a team player” or “difficult to work with.”
   
   
4. Missed Opportunities.  They are often excluded from collaborative projects, informal networks, and opportunities requiring strong influencing skills. Mentors and sponsors are unlikely to emerge for someone perceived as relationally inept or unpleasant.
   
   
5. Siloing. Sometimes, organizations try to contain the damage by keeping them in highly specialized individual contributor roles where their interactions are limited. While they might be well-compensated for their specific expertise, their broader career progression stalls.
   
   
6. Performance Review Challenges.  Even with strong results, their reviews may highlight “areas for development” related to teamwork, communication, or attitude, blocking promotions. Managers dread the difficult conversations needed.
   
   
7. Departure or Disengagement.  Frustrated by their lack of advancement despite their perceived contributions, these individuals may become disengaged, cynical, or eventually leave the organization, often repeating the same pattern elsewhere.

Think of it like a powerful engine (technical skill, intelligence, drive) placed in a car with flat tires or a faulty steering wheel (poor interpersonal skills). No matter how powerful the engine, the car can’t navigate effectively, connect with other vehicles smoothly, or reach its destination efficiently. The interpersonal skills are the tires or steering – essential for translating potential into smooth, directed motion.

So how can those invaluable interpersonal skills be developed and deployed in a way that is genuine and positive, not fake, manipulative or smarmy? 

Cultivating the Invisible Currency

The good news is that interpersonal skills, unlike innate intelligence, can be consciously developed and improved.  Here are a few strategies for building those skills.

Strategy 1 – Gain Self-Awareness.  Honestly assess your interaction style. Ask trusted colleagues or mentors for candid feedback on how you come across. Pay attention to others’ reactions to you.

Strategy 2 – Practice Active Listening.  Make a conscious effort in meetings and conversations to truly listen before speaking. Put distractions away. Ask clarifying questions. Summarize what you heard.  Look at facial expressions and body language to pick up unspoken messages.

Strategy 3 – Focus on Empathy.  Instead of being judgmental or impatient, try to understand situations from others’ perspectives, even if you disagree. Acknowledge their feelings and pressures.

Strategy 4 – Be Mindful of Communication.  Pay attention to your tone, body language, and word choices. Aim for clarity, respect, and approachability.

Strategy 5 – Show Genuine Interest.  This is not about faking interest.  Learn to be truly interested in others.  Ask colleagues about their work, challenges, and even appropriate personal interests. Remember the details. Think about what it might feel like to be that person.  Find common ground.

Strategy 6 – Learn Conflict Resolution Techniques.  Read books, take workshops, or observe skilled negotiators. Practice focusing on solutions, not blame.  Accept responsibility for your part in issues and commit to doing better in the future.

Strategy 7 – Offer Help and Express Appreciation.  Small gestures of support and gratitude go a long way in building goodwill.  This should also arise from a genuine, authentic place, not as a form of manipulation.

Integrating Competence with Connection

The journey to career success is not solely paved with hard work and technical brilliance. While these are the essential building blocks, the mortar that holds them together and allows someone to build a career is composed of strong interpersonal skills. The ability to “get along” – to listen actively, show respect and empathy, build rapport, and navigate conflict constructively – is not a secondary concern.  It is central to getting ahead.

These skills create positive relationships that lead to better performance reviews, greater visibility, crucial recommendations, and ultimately, the promotions and leadership roles that many aspire to. Neglecting this “invisible curriculum” can lead even the highest performers to hit frustrating plateaus, unable to understand why their undeniable competence isn’t translating into the advancement they expect.

Investing time and conscious effort in developing your interpersonal skills is, therefore, a direct investment in long-term career trajectory. It’s about recognizing that work happens within a human system, and mastering the art of connection is just as critical as mastering your craft. In the end, those who combine competence with connection are the ones who not only achieve success but also find greater fulfillment and influence along the way.

Quote of the Week
The best way to establish rapport with people and to win them over to your side is to be truly interested in them, to listen with the intention of really learning about them. When the person feels that you are really interested in getting to know them and their feelings, they will open up to you and share their true feelings with you much more quickly. Jack Canfield

© 2025, Keren Peters-Atkinson. All rights reserved.