Get Along to Get Ahead in Your Career

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Likeability: The Invisible Currency

The modern career landscape often resembles a complex equation.  We’re told the variables for success are clear: intelligence, a strong work ethic, demonstrable results, taking initiative, and showcasing leadership potential.  Grind hard, produce exceptional work, step up when needed, and the rewards – raises, promotions, recognition – will naturally follow. It’s a compelling narrative, rooted in the appealing idea of meritocracy.  Many bright, ambitious employees operate under this assumption, meticulously honing their technical skills, logging long hours, and focusing intently on deliverables, believing this is the sole path to the summit.

However, this equation lacks an essential factor: interpersonal skills.  While competence and results are undeniably foundational, they operate within a deeply human context – the workplace.  It’s a social ecosystem where relationships, perceptions, and interactions significantly influence trajectory.  The stark reality, often learned the hard way, is that simply being brilliant and productive isn’t enough.  The person also needs to “get along” to truly “get ahead.”  The ability to navigate workplace dynamics, build connections, and foster positive interactions is not just a nicety; it’s a potent catalyst for career advancement, often outweighing raw performance in critical moments. 

So what does “get along” mean?  Perhaps it’s best to describe what “getting along” is not.  It is not about flattery, fake compliments, hyped-up positivity, and other types of obsequious behavior.  Smarmy sycophantic behavior is generally not an effective way to build rapport with others for career advancement.  While building strong relationships and being friendly is beneficial, excessive flattery and insincere behavior is perceived as disingenuous and damaging. It might work for a little while but it’s ineffective long-term.  The boss might like it but colleagues are sure to recoil when they witness it and will view that person as disingenuous.

“Getting along” is about possessing a suite of genuine interpersonal competencies that allows a person to connect, communicate, and collaborate effectively with everyone.  It is the ability to be likeable, help others when it’s possible, act with humility, and genuinely listen and respect others.  It also means speaking the truth with kindness or saying nothing at all if there’s nothing nice to say.  These skills act as the essential lubricant for the machinery of career advancement.  They reduce friction and enable smoother progress. It’s an invisible currency that builds trust, fosters goodwill, and ultimately unlocks doors that technical prowess alone cannot.

The Myth of Pure Meritocracy in the Workplace

The belief that only tangible results matter is seductive because it feels fair and controllable. We can track metrics, quantify output, and point to specific achievements. If I build the best widget, design the most elegant code, or close the biggest deal, shouldn’t that be sufficient? The flaw in this thinking lies in overlooking the human element inherent in every organization.

Decisions about promotions, plum assignments, raises, and leadership opportunities are rarely made in a vacuum by algorithms weighing pure performance data. They are made by people – managers, senior leaders, HR professionals – who are influenced not only by what a person achieves but also by how it is achieved and how that person interacts with others in the process.  And it varies based on the boss and company.  That is why interpersonal skills require a lot of reading the room, intuition, and reading between the lines of what’s said and what’s not said.  It is the human element that goes unmentioned but plays a crucial role in career advancement. 

This is true in all types of careers, even ones where technical skills seem like the only variables that matter.  Case in point.  Michael Jordan — the incredibly skilled, hardworking and talented athlete who is still considered one of the greatest basketball players of all time – had an enviable list of achievements including six NBA championships, six NBA Finals MVP awards, and five NBA MVP awards, as well as records for 10 All-NBA First Team selections, 14 All-Star appearances, and two Olympic Gold Medals among other accolades.  And yet he famously said that “Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships.”  He added that that no man is an island.  Success is seldom the product of one person working alone.  He understood that his success was tied to his teammates, coaches, and others who had supported his career along the way.  He needed to have solid relationships with them all to be the best.

Of course, anyone who plays a team sport understands the importance of teamwork and having a rapport with everyone involved.  They understand that people working together must ‘click.’  But even those in individual athletic competitions — such as golfers, singles tennis players, swimmers and marathon runners – must have solid interpersonal skills.  Diana Nyad, the 64-year-old swimmer who made the first recorded 110-mile swim from Cuba to Key West without use of a shark cage in 52 hours and 54 minutes – said that while she swam unassisted, her crew provided essential support in helping her prepare for the swim as well as during the swim by steering her through jellyfish-infested waters, monitoring her well-being, and ensuring her safety.  Nyad was known for being tough, driven and relentless, but she also knew how to build camaraderie and get people to go the extra mile for her… and with her.

Interpersonal skills significantly impact the career success of athletes even though they are primarily focused on their own performance.  Interpersonal skills help them build relationships, communicate effectively, and collaborate with coaches, trainers, and other supporters, ultimately contributing to a positive and productive environment that enhances their athletic career prospects.  Charm, charisma and approachability also go a long way in attracting endorsements and opening doors to other opportunities.

This is absolutely also true in business.  To climb the corporate ladder in most careers, people must be able to get along with others.  Even in highly competitive environments, it is important to “play nice in the sandbox.”  People may be assigned choice work, get promotions, and/or land deals because they consistently demonstrate a solid work ethic and exceed expectations in their current role but it’s just not enough.  Professors in MBA Programs around the country put it this way, “Some may be smart. Some may be hard working.  And some may be well liked.  But if you’re not all three, you don’t have what it takes to rise in the ranks and succeed long term.”  Consider this:

Factors Most Cited as Essential:

1. Intelligence & Technical Skill: Absolutely necessary to do the job effectively. This is the baseline, the ticket to entry.
2. Work Ethic: Demonstrates commitment, reliability, and dedication. Crucial for building trust as someone who is dependable.
3. Exceptional Results: The tangible proof of competence and contribution. Provides objective evidence of value.
4. Initiative: Shows proactivity, problem-solving ability, and engagement beyond the basic job description. Signals leadership potential.
5. Leadership Qualities: The ability to guide, motivate, and influence others, even informally. Indicates readiness for greater responsibility.  

These are all vital. But where employees often stumble is in assuming these factors exist in a vacuum… separate and independent from how employees relate to one another.  They fail to recognize that likeability and collaboration heavily influence how the other qualities are interpreted and rewarded.  It may not be fair, but it is fact. 

The Invisible Yet Essential Toolkit: Key Interpersonal Skills

The interpersonal skills that drive relationship-building and career momentum are often subtle, operating beneath the surface of daily tasks. They are less about grand gestures and more about consistent, positive interaction patterns. Let’s delve into some of the most critical ones:  

1. Active Listening

This is far more than simply hearing words. Active listening involves fully concentrating on the speaker, understanding their message (both spoken and unspoken), absorbing the information, and responding thoughtfully. It means putting away distractions, making eye contact, asking clarifying questions, paraphrasing to ensure understanding, and acknowledging the speaker’s perspective before jumping in with comments.

Career Impact – Active listeners build trust rapidly. Colleagues feel heard and valued, leading to better collaboration and fewer misunderstandings. Managers appreciate direct reports who truly understand instructions and feedback. It positions the person as thoughtful, respectful, and genuinely engaged, fostering stronger, more open relationships.  

2. Respect

This involves treating everyone – regardless of their role, title, background, or opinion – with courtesy, dignity, and professionalism. It means valuing their time (being punctual for meetings), acknowledging their contributions, avoiding gossip or negative talk, and engaging in disagreements constructively rather than dismissively.  

Career Impact – Consistent respect builds a reputation for fairness and professionalism. It creates psychological safety, encouraging others to share ideas and collaborate openly. People are more willing to help, support, and advocate for someone who treats them well. Disrespect, even subtly shown, can quickly poison relationships and stall career progress.  

3. Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person – to put oneself in the other person’s shoes and see the situation from their perspective. It doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing with them, but it does mean acknowledging their emotional state and viewpoint. It involves being sensitive to others’ workloads, pressures, and personal circumstances.  

Career Impact – Empathy is the bedrock of strong connections. It allows a person to anticipate needs, communicate more effectively, and navigate sensitive situations with grace. Empathetic individuals are often seen as supportive colleagues and managers, fostering team cohesion and loyalty. They build deeper rapport, which translates into greater influence and stronger alliances.

4. Building Rapport

Rapport is the harmonious connection established with others, characterized by mutual liking, trust, and understanding. It’s built through finding common ground, showing genuine interest in others (beyond work topics), remembering small personal details, using humor appropriately (not at the expense of others), and maintaining a positive and approachable demeanor.  

Career Impact – People naturally gravitate toward and want to work with those with whom they have a good rapport. It smooths interactions, facilitates easier collaboration, and makes others more receptive to the person’s own ideas and requests. Strong rapport can lead to informal mentorship, inclusion in important discussions, and advocacy from unexpected quarters. It makes people want for that person to succeed.

5. Conflict Resolution

Disagreements and conflicts are inevitable in any workplace. Strong conflict resolution skills involve addressing these issues constructively, calmly, and fairly. It means focusing on the problem, not the person; listening to all sides; seeking common ground; and working towards mutually agreeable solutions rather than trying to “win” the argument.  

Career Impact – Individuals skilled in conflict resolution are invaluable. They prevent minor issues from escalating, maintain team harmony, and demonstrate maturity and leadership potential. Managers trust them to handle difficult situations effectively. Being seen as a problem-solver rather than a conflict-creator is crucial for advancing into roles requiring team management and stakeholder negotiation.

Next week, we’ll look at how relationships drive career advancement and some dos and don’ts for building rapport at work.  Stay tuned.

Quote of the Week
“Rapport is the ultimate tool for producing results with other people. No matter what you want in your life, if you can develop rapport with the right people, you’ll be able to fill their needs, and they will be able to fill yours.” Tony Robbins

© 2025, Keren Peters-Atkinson. All rights reserved.