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For the past two weeks, we’ve been looking at breaking habits that keep us from achieving goals.  Habits are nothing more than neural pathways forged in the brain.  Indeed, the human brain is composed of thousands of neurons that are connected by dendrites. During the process of forming a new habit, these dendrites increase in number and form new connections in the brain.  These connections are called neural pathways.

Think of neural pathways like a network of roads.  The first time a person does a task, a crude neural pathway is created… like chopping a rough path through a dense forest.  That is the learning process.  The more the task is repeated, the more an unpaved road begins to form.  With even more repetition, it turns into a habit.   When the habit is solidly formed, the neural pathway finally becomes a paved road.  The stronger the habit, the more it becomes a highway—strong and well-formed. 

That is how it is with every task we learn, from riding a bike to being able to multiply to playing an instrument.  We learn through repetition, mastering a task by repeating it over and over.  And with enough repetition, the task goes from being a conscious action to being a routine, auto-pilot activity.   That is why a person with Alzheimer’s can play a piece of music from “memory” even after they have forgotten how to read sheet music and can’t even remember their own name. The neural pathway is so embedded that it can happen even when memory is lost and even when the conscious mind is distracted. 

Repeating the same actions or behaviors for at least three months or more helps develop a habit. And, it usually takes at least 10,000 repetitions to make a strong neural pathway.  Also, the more a person thinks about something, the more the brain will make a dominant pathway of that thought in the brain.  When a person suddenly decides to stop learning that task, that neural pathway formed in the brain slowly deteriorates and eventually disconnects.  It’s like forest regrowing over a paved road.  So forming habits takes time and dissolving habits also takes time.

Breaking Habits to Achieve Goals

That’s why “bad habits” keep people from achieving goals.  Bad habits are why diet programs fail, gyms that are packed in January are empty by February, and why a study by the National Institute of Health found that a current smoker will quit on average 30 times or more before successfully quitting for one year or longer.  The fact is that bad habits derail goals.  It’s not enough to set a goal and really work hard to achieve it.  To be successful, it is important to permanently eliminate every bad habit that stands in the way of that goal.   

In the last two articles, we looked at the steps for battling and breaking unwanted habits.  Those included:

1. Recognize the Habit Triggers

2.  Find an Accountability Partner

3.  Practice mindfulness

4.  Replace the habit with a different one

5.  Use reminders to help with mindfulness

6.  Prepare for slipups

Here are a few more tips to help the process.

7.  Let go of an all-or-nothing mindset

Accepting that there will be slip ups when trying to break a habit.  Coming up with a plan is one thing but preventing feelings of frustration and failure when a slipup happens is a separate issue.  Doubts about the ability to really change will creep in to undermine the commitment.  At this point, it is important to focus on successes.  Any achievement that is more of what is wanted is good.

In the case of David, perhaps he can count how many weeks he has made it home in time for dinner at least three times in the week.  Recognize that perfect is the enemy of good, and tomorrow is another day to stay focused and avoid distractions.  Each day away from the phone will weaken the habit and make it easier to ignore the phone and not feel tempted in the future.

8.  Start small

Trying to kick multiple habits at the same time can be daunting unless the habits go together.  Someone who is trying to stop procrastinating and being lazy might find that putting an end to one habit also ends the other habit.  However, most behavioral psychologists and career coaches recommend starting small. Change one habit at a time and start with incremental steps. 

For example, the person who wants to get fit should not immediately start training for a marathon or hiking a mountain and also changing diet.  It helps to start by walking 15 minutes a day and then gradually increasing duration and adding other types of activity over time.   Then adding in changes in diet.  In the case of David, he might start by checking his phone just three times a day and then reduce it to just once a day at lunch.

9.  Boost motivation with rewards

Breaking a habit can be incredibly difficult.  It is important to celebrate small achievements along the way with little rewards.  It can be as simple as word of encouragement.  A person might use self-talk to congratulate herself on walking 20 minutes every day for a month and encourage herself to keep doing it.  In David’s case, his wife might reward his being home more for dinner by making his favorite meal or they might opt to go out for dinner once a month.  It’s important to celebrate the wins as that further weakens the bad habits. 

10.  Give it time

There’s a common myth that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. That is a fiction.  Realistically, experts believe it takes about two to three months or even longer to break an unwanted habit.  While some habits don’t happen without some awareness like going to a bar with coworkers after work to have a drink, most habits like nail biting or speeding are harder to break because they happen mindlessly and often when not in the presence of anyone else.  How long it actually takes to break a habit is affected by:

• how long the habit has been in place,
• the emotional, physical, or social needs the habit fulfills,
• whether there is a support network to help break the habit,
• the physical or emotional reward the habit provides,
• if there is a chemical addiction reinforcing the habit, and
• if the reason for wanting to break the habit is compelling enough and generates enough reward.

11.  Get professional help

Given the number of variables that impact how ingrained each habit is, it makes sense that some habits are easier to break than others.  Cutting back on sweets after lunch or chewing ice in drinks are habits that are easier to break because you can simply stop adding them to your plate or cup.  To limit social media use at night, simply use a BN-LINK Wi-Fi plug outlet as a timer to schedule router on/off time.  By making the item unavailable, it is easier to short-circuit mindless behaviors.  As long as the desire to quit a habit is genuine (eating too many desserts is causing high blood sugar; chewing ice is breaking fillings; spending too much time on social media at night is impacting sleep), removing access to the problems renders triggers ineffective.  Then, over time, the habit is broken. 

However, to address deeper habits such as compulsions, addictions and mindless habits, the support of a trained professional or advisor can make a world of difference.  While some may balk at the thought, there is no shame in seeking help. Figuring out underlying reasons triggering habits can be difficult.  It’s like not being able to see the forest for the tress.  Depending on the habit, a therapist, counselor, nutritionist, coach or spiritual guide can offer insights, advice and encouragement.  They can help explore anything blocking you from change and discuss how to counter negative self-talk.  Meeting with someone regularly can also provide accountability and structure to support big changes.

Over time, old habits fade away and new habits become established in daily life.  Eventually, they will feel as natural as old habits.  In fact, they will become old habits and that will make it so much easier to achieve your other goals. 

Beware of the Return of Habits

However, beware that broken or vanquished habits can re-establish themselves faster and easier than the time it takes to form new habits.  A study, led by Ann Graybiel of MIT’s McGovern Institute and published in the October 2005 issue of Nature, explains why.  According to Graybiel, important neural activity patterns in a specific region of the brain change when habits are formed, change again when habits are broken, but quickly re-emerge when something rekindles an extinguished habit — routines that originally took great effort to learn.

“We knew neurons can change their firing patterns when habits are learned, but it is startling to find that these patterns reverse when the habit is lost, only to recur again as soon as something kicks off the habit again,” said Graybiel, who was the Walter A. Rosenblith Professor of Neuroscience in MIT’s Department of Brain and Cognitive Sciences (BCS).  Those patterns occur in the basal ganglia, a brain region that is critical to habits.  In their experiment, they simulated the learning and forgetting of a habit and found that a learned pattern remains in the brain after the behavior is extinguished.  Somehow, the brain retains a memory of the habit context, and that pattern can be triggered if the right habit cues come back.

So, start breaking that bad habit keeping you from your big, hairy audacious goal.  And then don’t let your guard down.  Bad habits can sneak back in when you least expect it.  So once that habit is broken, don’t give any opportunity for the habit to re-establish, because it will… really fast. 

Quote of the Week

“In a nutshell, your health, wealth, happiness, fitness and success depend on your habits.” Joanna Jast, author of Hack Your Habits

© 2023, Keren Peters-Atkinson. All rights reserved.